Friday night I had the strangest thing happen. I sat thinking over the events of the day and what I had gotten accomplished. Writing about being BRAVE was still at the front of my mind. My little act of bravery was turning in two documents that allow me to step up in a leadership role with the amazing Community Groups from (In)Courage.
To say that I feel unqualified, unprepared and overwhelmed would be an understatement. This is a job that will only be completed as God works in His power through me. Lisa-Jo’s God-Size Dream of building community is opening doors for others to walk into their dreams at the same time. If I’m not careful, and start working out of my own strength, a dream can quickly turn into a nightmare. Enter strangest thing happening!
As I sat thinking about the exposure that would come from this, I began thinking about the exposure that would come from this! Are you catching my drift? This little blog here that might be seen by 20 people on a busy day, might now be seen by more. Then like a punch in the gut I literally felt as if words were being sucked out of my mind and nothing but a void left. People, that wasn’t anything but pride doing its dirty work.
I say pride because I began to worry that I would need to change, to be better – more like someone else – to establish an image I thought I would need. Trying to live up to our own misguided expectations will just kill any bit of motivation or creativity you might have had flowing. I actually felt it happening – and it was scary.
So, I’ve had to have a little talk with myself. Basically, the gist is to get over it. Keep walking the same way, thinking the same way, but adding in the new with more diligence and intention. This new role isn’t about promoting me, or my blog here. It’s about connecting women in a way that they will grow in love, encouragement and faith. Y’all, I’m all about that. So, I’m just gonna keep on being me and try to stay out of my own way.
That was a close one. Please let me know if you see me starting to fall for my own hype. I’d really appreciate it.