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Thursday, December 13, 2012

My Dear Little Boy



Yesterday was such a tough day, wasn’t it?  We’ve had lots of those days.  Let’s face it, we’ve had a few tough years.  This learning to be momma and little boy becoming a big boy is the hard stuff.  You learned how to ride a bike much faster.  You even carried your pedal car up the basement stairs all by yourself last night – much to my amazement.

My amazement – it’s there nearly constantly.  You amaze me at every turn.  Sadly, I don’t always see my amazement as a good thing, as a God-thing.

How is it that you see straight through all my layers and complexities to my most basic defects?  You are my refiner’s fire that focuses like a laser on my weakest points.  Not only are you refining, but you are my welder.  You take your metal and fuse it into the cracks and make me stronger than the whole that was already there. Oh, but how the sparks fly and we need protection.

The burning makes me wonder how I will survive.  It drops me to my knees, face in hands, crying out for mercy with tears streaming to a loving God who knew this would all happen beforehand.  I come to the end of me and you are still going strong.  I’m dumbfounded and spent entirely, left with no answers.  I am left with hope for sleep and that I can be refilled with new, with better than what I had this day to offer.  It was a poor offering, indeed.

I woke this morning praising God that you have again blessed us with your presence and a full night’s sleep.  That makes three this week alone.  I can’t think of a better Christmas gift I’d put on any list.  I thank you profusely, offer you a high five and can’t get enough kisses on those cheeks as you sit on my lap in the midst of dressing for the day.  You have on your reindeer shirt that asks “Who needs mistletoe?”  Who, indeed?  I steal sweet sugar from my baby and 
prepare to send you off for the day.

These days I look forward to, shamefully at times, where we are apart.  I know that they are better for both of us.  Absence makes my heart grow fonder as it gets much needed maintenance.  Those welds need to be ground down and the sharp burrs removed.

Thank you for the hard and for the soft, for the tearing down and the putting back together.  I have a feeling I’m doing the same to you and hope that we both come out of this purer and stronger each day.

Love always and forever; to the moon and back,
Momma

How do you handle your hard days?

3 comments:

  1. Oh, Amy! This is beautifully written and so lovely in all it's honesty. Rejoicing with you for the three nights!!! I know this is a long road that you are on and a not so easy one. Keep being faithful- I look forward to celebrating the blessings!!

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  2. This is truly beautiful Amy. Your words and your heart are so lovely!

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  3. I love your ever beautifully amazing heart! What a treasure and a gift you are to your son...and he to you...even as you navigate the UGH! days together!

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